Science Fiction movies are known for their cool special effects, other worldly exploits, and space wars. Unfortunately some stand out not for their plots and acting, but for the products and inventions that make their plots work with only minimal suspension of disbelief. These are the Three Worst Science Fiction Movie Inventions.
3. The Ray Gun/Laser Rifle/Blaster/Phaser
No matter what you call it in your movie, it has the same effect on your actors. It turns them from a space hero who is willing to fight for what be believes by blowing stuff into a million pieces to a space hero who wants to avoid a fight by shooting you with a beam of light that will either make you fall over as if you had a heart attack or make you vanish into thin air. The normal gun is so much cooler! It’s loud. It’s violent. It makes you bleed. The Phaser is small, girly, and makes the sound of air escaping from your butt during those times you’re trying to squeeze and hold it in.
Not to mention the fact that Sci-Fi movies have found 1000 different ways to hack the ray gun to do things that make no since for it to do. Need to drill a hole in that wall? Lets hack the ray gun to do it! Need to destroy the sun? Lets hack the ray gun to do it! Need a spermicide? Lets hack the ray gun to do it!
What movie genre should be using this technology: Mob Movies
Think about it. If you shoot someone, it leaves no hole in their chest, it doesn’t burn them, in fact the victim looks like they simply fell over. Mobsters would surely love this technology. It would make their line of work less messy.
2. Talking Computers
Have you ever surfed to a site that had that dumb fake person that wants you to type stuff into the box and it will say it back to you? Have you ever tried it and thought, “Hey, that’s amazing! I wish my computer would always talk to me like this.” Yeah, nor have I. So why do future computers always talk? In the time it takes for it to tell that that a missile is about to destroy your ship, you’ve already been hit and am watching the event unfold in the afterlife. All because you accidentally set the computer voice to “Indian tech support pretending to be American.”
The talking computer is also a cheap way to give the computer more powers than it should have. It allows for the computer to be self aware, play tic-tac-toe with you, and get you lost in space. With all the technology it must take to make the computer understand your talking and speak in return to you, you would think they could at least make it sound like a real person. The computer always sounds like a robot. No matter how sophisticated that computer technology is, the voice always sounds like William Shatner. Like it is having to think of what to say one…word…at…a…time.
What movie genre should be using this technology: Comedy Movies
You know that you’ve told your computer to say dirty words. Everyone has had a few laughs from having their computer tell you to go screw yourself. Now just imagine a movie that does this for an hour and a half. That would be comedy gold!
1. Computer interface without instructions
Imagine that you’ve never used a standard qwerty keyboard before. You may have seen others use it in the past, but not enough to know what the keys are/do. If you were to sit in from of a keyboard would you be able to type out the first 10 lines of Amazing Grace with no errors? Didn’t think so. So why can Sci-Fi people use computers with no marks indicating what the keys are with such precision? In fact they do so without them even being set to some standard. That’s hardcore! They can see 1000 different types of keyboards, button and switch boards, and command centers and instantly know which button operates the bidet built into the seat cushion.
What movie genre should be using this technology: Horror Movies
Ever notice that in Horror Movies the girls in bikinis never know how to operate the one device that can save them from the psycho maniac with the axe? If they had the knowledge to use the device then the world’s population of sexy blonds willing to do a topless scene would grow 10 fold overnight. Although they still wouldn’t want anything to do with you computer guys.
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